we are los angeles.

so! i don't know if i've had active enemies before...i'm sure i have...but nonetheless i am happy to meet this new phase of life relationships head-on and with great attention!

so i know that to some folks reputations are important and all, right? right. so, bad news - there is no damage you can do to mine that i haven't already done myself. that's not a dig on myself, it's just true. i just can't seem to make myself remember that i need to care about what people think about me. i just go and go and go and do as i do and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. so. the people who are turned off by me because of blankety-blank and such-n-such, i guess it just wasn't a friendship meant to be. and you can keep them as your friends. and maybe you can count them as points or something. i dunno - just throwing out ideas!

thanks for keeping it interesting and i will see you on the front.
(i'll be the one in the party dress)

...i wrote "one day we will go back to new orleans and we will..."


and now i know what we will do.


it took 3 years 5 months and 31 days to answer that question.

1. always order first and set the bar high.
2. never sit at the head of the table or else everyone will know when you are whispering/have to sneak out/spit something into your napkin.
3. don't be afraid to correct the waiter, the other guests will ultimately respect you for it even if they initially act ashamed (who are these people, anyway?)
4. when it's time to take your aspirin, don't hide it. it may send the right message.
5. if the terrible women are attempting to dominate the conversation, launch into detailed questionnaire conversation with alpha male. if you are alpha male, pit the terrible women against each other.
6. take action! if a guest has become an intolerable drunk, facilitate their exit via cab. volunteer to escort them out. do ask them for a loan. do not be demure.
7. take action! it's best to quell unrealistic flirtations early. it's easy to find the right time to ask about someone's weight loss struggle/recent termination/battle with alcoholism.
8. do not encourage the funny anecdote about:
-the guy at work
-the thing the cat did
-the dynamic observations of man/woman, black/white, strait/gay
9. do encourage the funny anecdote about:
-the embarrassing thing the terrible women did
-the time you did anything they for whatever retarded reason find interesting enough to remember and then reference publicly
-the incompetence of the help
10. ignore all pop culture references.
11. defend joan rivers.
12. give compliments earnestly.
13. interrupt the terrible women. they are used to it.

on to the mohawk for more moving of the movement.

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=2OE7uUsx5VDshFzPFK6XUQ

local flavor comedy tour was an eat fest.

newmovementtheater.com

there is no margin for error. so get your hair did. get your slacks pressed. represent that shit.


wait...here....crescendo (thank you, i've been fucking incredible)

they've been expecting it all along and here is the delivery.

KICK IN THE DOOR. TITTIES OUT. STEP UP.

they've denounced associations for it, bled into it, branded with their faces, asked for a kiss and then got fucked well and in the good ways, sometimes the bad ways but regardless they got to talk really dirty like they never imagined and so what if we are all too drunk to tell the difference and for that matter the truth of how it all went down, anyhow. and anyway. it doesn't matter because in the end i know the way to a really good party. everyone just wants a moment on the mic to hear their voices. any they'll get it. some are just not heard. because there is another party to go to and so many of those invitations are bunk.

THIS IS A MEGAPHONE. MARCH IN PLACE.

LISTEN: if you are worried then you are doing it wrong. if there are any doubts in your mind you haven't been paying attention. you don't have to go home and you can definitely stay here if you know how.



where you at?
where you at?



i'm sorry it's just hard to see with all these lights in my eyes.